When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
