all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
