i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize