What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
