dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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