Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
