Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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