wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
