The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
