I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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