I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my poor anus
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
