How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
