Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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