Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
