dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
