They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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