Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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