there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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