I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
