he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
