I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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