This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
