I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize