i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
