Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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