just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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