found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize