I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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