he told me I talked like a deaf person
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
