i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
