He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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