I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
