I love black thongs
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
