dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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