Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
