im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
