I think i peed on brittanys purse
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
