If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
