guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
