Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
