i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
