You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
