and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I met the friendliest cop last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize