The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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