no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
