he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
