Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
