the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
