I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize