There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
