Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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