I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
