I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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