marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
