New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
