I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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