Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
