ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
