when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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