this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize