I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
