she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
