i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it because I queefed?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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