I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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