I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
