i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
